Renesmee's Love Story LOL

Open a new tab and pull up a karoake version of "Love Story" by Taylor Swift and sing your self this little spoof...





I was so young when I first saw you.
I close my eyes, and the flashback starts,
I'm laying there,
On a changing table while I'd undergo your care.

I see the fights, see you, and all the frowns.
See you make your way through the house,
And say, "Oh Nessie",
Little did I see,

That you're a pedophile,
You were imprinting on babies,
And my mama said, "Stay away from Renesmee."
And I never left my mama's embrace,
Thinking that "I'm not your whoe…"

And you said,
"Bella let me take her somewhere we can be alone.
I'll be waiting for her, so all that's left to do is run.
I'll be the prince, and she'll be my princess,
She's my love story baby, just say, 'yes'."

So you sneak out to my window to see me,
You kept quiet, 'cause your dead if she knew,
So ya close your eyes,
And pretend you're in my pants for just a lil' while.

'Cause you were a Pedo,
And wanted to screw me later,
And Mama said, "Don't make me get that big ole net!"
But I was everything to you,
Begging Mama, "Let me be her lover!".

And I thought,
"Jacob, I'll taze you if you touch me where I tell you no,
Then I'll be waiting to make it some great big show.
You'll be the dead guy, or at least I'll make you cry.
'Cause I'm not your love story baby, just leave me alone."

"Renesmee, please save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel.
This love is difficult, but it's real.
Don't be afraid, I'll get you out of this mess,
Your my love story baby, just say, 'yes'."

Well, I got tired of tazing,
Wondering if he would finally come around.
My faith in him was fading,
When he was took pedophilia to the next nasty level.

And I said,
"Jacob, I know that you're really now all alone.
I keep waiting for you to get out of my pants.
I know it's in your head,
You don't know what to think,"

He fell to the ground,
And pulled out this thing and said,
"Marry me, Renesmee, then I'll never have to be alone.
I love you, and that's all I really know.
I didn't talk to dad or your mom, just go get yourself a white dress,
You're still my love story baby just say yes."

Then you were dead the next time I saw you...